I should be in my sick bed sneezing into Man-Size tissues but am too outraged by last night’s Apprentice to rest. Not outraged by Alex going; I was happy for him to be fired as he made such an ass of himself. As someone on the splendid Guardian blog noted, he is the only apprentice ever to be less likeable on You’re Fired than on the show proper.
No, I’m outraged that the team that produced the most monumentally sexist advert – possibly ever – didn’t lose. To be fair, Baron Shugs said they hadn’t exactly won, and that their reward was a night in a karaoke bar (on their own!) Surely this is the kind of ‘reward’ that sits in that allegedly ambiguous category of torture shared by water-boarding? Perhaps Shugs thought it was punishment enough.
But it wasn’t. That fool Christopher, who I have unfortunately singled out as a possible winner, should have been publicly humiliated. I guess he was a bit, being revealed as a twonk on national telly and being all over the press for possessing knuckle-dusters and possibly assaulting his wife. Clearly a top chap. But I mean hauled across the desk and having his bum slapped by Nick levels of humiliation. First he kept going on about how ‘sex sells everything’, then he rejected ‘mingers’ to star in the advert but failed to reject himself, then he chose as his screen wife a girl young enough to be his daughter (if he’d become a father at age 12 admittedly, but still). And then he sanctioned the appalling theme: viz. his screen wife joyously finishing the cleaning so she could go shag him. That she did the cleaning wearing, variously, an evening gown and an octopus suit says more about Christopher than any of us want to know. Ever.
It would have been so easy to address this pitiful imagination fail by swapping the gender roles, or by, I dunno, coming up with something less crass in the first place. But in fact I am not entirely pointing the stubby finger of shame at Christopher. Oh no. You don’t expect any better from a wife-bashing asswipe who’s applied to go on The Apprentice. You don’t even expect any better from Shugs, because he always puts profit before basic human decency; that’s his thing, and we let him get away with it because he reminds us of Sid James. But I do expect more from Nick and Karren, because they have more than one brain cell between them, and they should have called Shugs on it. One or both of them should have said, yes, both adverts are dreadful but if we let this one win we are tacitly saying lazy outdated sexism is okay, sexism that for instance might lead some men to think they are allowed to wallop their wives, even if we then punish the team by making them bawl ‘We are the Champions’ in an unknown key.
Posted in a strop by Qwerty