The Apprentice: Fancy an early night (wink)?

We need a sexy man to sell this cleaning product. Oh, hello mirror.

I should be in my sick bed sneezing into Man-Size tissues but am too outraged by last night’s Apprentice to rest. Not outraged by Alex going; I was happy for him to be fired as he made such an ass of himself. As someone on the splendid Guardian blog noted, he is the only apprentice ever to be less likeable on You’re Fired than on the show proper.

No, I’m outraged that the team that produced the most monumentally sexist advert – possibly ever – didn’t lose. To be fair, Baron Shugs said they hadn’t exactly won, and that their reward was a night in a karaoke bar (on their own!) Surely this is the kind of ‘reward’ that sits in that allegedly ambiguous category of torture shared by water-boarding? Perhaps Shugs thought it was punishment enough.

But it wasn’t. That fool Christopher, who I have unfortunately singled out as a possible winner, should have been publicly humiliated. I guess he was a bit, being revealed as a twonk on national telly and being all over the press for possessing knuckle-dusters and possibly assaulting his wife. Clearly a top chap.  But I mean hauled across the desk and having his bum slapped by Nick levels of humiliation. First he kept going on about how ‘sex sells everything’, then he rejected ‘mingers’ to star in the advert but failed to reject himself, then he chose as his screen wife a girl young enough to be his daughter (if he’d become a father at age 12 admittedly, but still). And then he sanctioned the appalling theme: viz. his screen wife joyously finishing the cleaning so she could go shag him. That she did the cleaning wearing, variously, an evening gown and an octopus suit says more about Christopher than any of us want to know. Ever.

It would have been so easy to address this pitiful imagination fail by swapping the gender roles, or by, I dunno, coming up with something less crass in the first place. But in fact I am not entirely pointing the stubby finger of shame at Christopher. Oh no. You don’t expect any better from a wife-bashing asswipe who’s applied to go on The Apprentice. You don’t even expect any better from Shugs, because he always puts profit before basic human decency; that’s his thing, and we let him get away with it because he reminds us of Sid James. But I do expect more from Nick and Karren, because they have more than one brain cell between them, and they should have called Shugs on it. One or both of them should have said, yes, both adverts are dreadful but if we let this one win we are tacitly saying lazy outdated sexism is okay, sexism that for instance might lead some men to think they are allowed to wallop their wives, even if we then punish the team by making them bawl ‘We are the Champions’ in an unknown key.


Posted in a strop by Qwerty


Filed under The Apprentice

6 responses to “The Apprentice: Fancy an early night (wink)?

  1. inkface

    Bloody right sistah! Wanted to squirt their crappy cleaning fluid right in the eye, or even better, down the pants, of the inadequate little squirt of a boy, Christopher. Now go back to bed with your tissues and watch something more calming until you feel better.

  2. Tim

    I agree – although to be fair, we only ever see a small portion of what is said in the boardroom – a typical boardroom can take 2+hours to film, and we only see 10-15 minutes of it – so it is entirely possible Nick and Karren had plenty to say on the issue, but it ended up on the cutting room floor because it would have meant focussing too much time on the ‘winning’ team.

    Having said that, Christopher was incredibly lucky that Apollo did such a bad job of their ad. It was like watching a 1970s nudge-nudge-wink-wink sitcom. All it needed was the soft porn soundtrack to go with it …

    If you’re interested, here are my thoughts on last night’s episode:

  3. Qwerty

    You’re right of course Tim. It’s all in the editing. Like your blog!

    Inky, fell asleep and am calmer now. Will clean the house soon as I can find my other six arms.

  4. Tim

    Thanks! This year’s series is certainly providing a rich vein of material to write about, isn’t it?

    I’ve just noticed in your category cloud that we seem to like a lot of the same shows, so I’m adding you to my blogroll. Keep up the good work!

  5. Qwerty

    Thanks v much! Meant to add to my comment on your blog that your running gag about Laura being a fifth wheel made me laugh out loud.

  6. MrB

    Very true. I think His Lordship should have said they were both equally useless and got rid of one person from each group as a punishment. I know this is the whole reason we watch it, but what the hell were they thinking?!

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