At the head of the table is Nora, the matriarch from hell. She’s all lovely fuzzy-focus smiles and rosy-apple cheeks – until you dare to suggest that, since you’re well over 30 and have been married for some time, you may want to spend a birthday/Thanksgiving/Sunday/meal in your own home rather than at hers. Then she lays on emotional blackmail in mom-sized dollops and starts ringing your siblings and making a fuss.
Since the siblings comprise the eternally miserable and self-loathing Sarah, the egomaniac Kitty, the wet-as-the-wettest-Wednesday Justin, waste of space Tommy and “if I wasn’t gay I’d be pathetic” Kevin, why do I enjoy watching this show?
Mainly, it’s the non-Walkers I like. Incredibly each of the Walker children (apart from, currently, Tommy) has managed to snare an adorable partner. Kitty is married to Robert, who I’m willing to bet any money is the most beautiful-smelling man on TV (have you seen his lovely white shirts? He looks like he smells of the cleanest clean cotton and a splash of something very expensive and subtle around his firm jawline). Kevin is married to Scotty, and if there’s a more adorable human being than Scotty in the whole of California I’d be very surprised. Justin has the radiant Rebecca, which means he is also lucky enough to have Holly and David as in-laws. Even Sarah has managed to bag herself a lovely Frenchman.
And there’s Saul. I do like Saul.
Anyways, over the past few weeks I got a bit behind with my B&S episodes, but I’m all caught up now and have just watched the season 4 finale. And what a lot has been going on. The Walkers have managed to lose Ojai foods. It’s taken them 4 seasons, but they’ve finally run William Walker’s business into the ground.
All isn’t lost, however… Remember way back in episode 1, William Walker drowned in the swimming pool? Water may have been his own personal undoing, but it’s been his family’s salvation as he was sensible enough to buy up a piece of land that turns out to have its own subterranean lake. In rain-starved California, this is A Very Good Thing, and has saved the remaining Walkers from a life of being forced to watch Sarah binge herself to death on cold pizza, daytime TV and self pity.
Kitty, meanwhile, is running for election. She even has her own battle bus. Meanwhile, the fragrant Robert has been getting involved in something shady and Spooks-ish to do with national security, which is obviously a bad idea when you have a heart condition and your wife’s family are pathologically unable to keep secrets.
The final episode started off in familiar territory, with Sarah sighing a lot about being unemployed and a bit of comedy business on the battle bus, but pretty soon there were little drip, drips of tension. Saul discovering that a long-ago lover had AIDS, and admitting to Kevin and Scotty that he’d never been tested. Justin worrying about Robert’s heart condition. Rebecca taking a job which meant she and Justin would be living apart for a year while he did voluntary work in Haiti. Robert had a bit of a dizzy spell and an ambulance was called.
But it was all going to be ok. Saul got tested, and told Nora that he was all clear. Rebecca and Justin decided they could make their long distance relationship work. Robert’s medication was changed and he was fine. Then there was that lovely underground lake, promising wealth and happiness for many years to come.
All the Walkers and their spouses piled into various cars to head off back home. I just didn’t like the look of all those cars. It was all too deliberate. I started watching between my fingers. My money was on Justin and Rebecca being involved in a crash again, because they seemed just a bit too happy and lovey-dovey.
They were slightly behind the others, and eventually they drove up behind a terrible scene of crashed vehicles strewn across the road. Justin, with his medic’s training, rushed off to help – and found various family members among the wreckage. Robert looked worst with a head wound, but Rebecca yelled for Justin saying she’d found Holly, who needed his help. Robert bravely told Justin to go and help Holly, then before Justin could get back to him, Robert had time for a few words with Kitty – and died. Oh my giddy stars. I did not expect that.
Possibly even more traumatic than the loss of the best-smelling man on TV was Saul. He was covered in blood, but when Kevin tried to help him, he told him not to touch him. It seems Saul may not have been telling Nora the truth about his test.
So life, for the Walkers, will never be the same. But at least Scotty is ok…
Posted by PLA