Pineapple Dance Studios: Don’t frighten the fans

I think I’ve finally overdosed on Pineapple. The first episode of Pineapple Dance Studios that I saw was so funny and different that I distinctly remember thinking it should be on at least once a week for the rest of time. 11 episodes in out of a series of 12, and the novelty is wearing off.

My enjoyment is always in inverse proportion to the amount of screen time dedicated to the obnoxious Tricia Walsh-Smith, and the frankly dull Debbie “I am Pineapple” Moore. Last night’s episode featured too much of both. Tricia was filming yet another in a seemingly endless supply of music videos. This one involved her pretending to jump off a cliff. My thoughts were not charitable.

Debbie was busy with yet another in a seemingly endless supply of events to mark the umpteenth year since Pineapple opened. This time she commissioned a portrait of herself. I don’t know how much she paid for it, but my friend Christine’s son William (aged 12) could have knocked up a superior work for nothing more than his bodyweight in pick & mix. The best thing about this portrait was the reaction of Louie and Debbie’s daughter Lara. They’d agreed that if the picture was rubbish, Lara (who uses a wheelchair) would have a spasm. “It makes me feel… twitchy,” she commented, as Louie mugged for the camera.

Louie is always good value and he’s emerged from this series as a proper star, turning up on almost every light entertainment show apart from the election debates. But I can’t help loving the psycho-drama that is Andrew Stone.

Following last week’s “humbling” visit back to his Norwich roots, Andrew continued to spread the love this week by performing at an old peoples’ home, along with Starman keyboard player Craig. Andrew belted out some George Michael favourites to a couple of dozen elderly fans, some of whom were actually awake. He even got some of them clapping along to one of Starman’s greatest hits.

Andrew, who oozes sincerity like Cliff Richard on sincerity gas, was moved by the response. He’d also love to perform to children in hospital, he admitted, though of course when you’re dealing with people with such a tenuous grip on life, you can’t get them over-excited. Andrew thinks about things like that. He plans ahead.

He made more plans for the fame which he knows is just around the corner, by interviewing a personal security firm. They were fully aware of the dangers of superstardom, and quizzed Andrew as to whether he’d ever been mauled by a fanatical mob. “No,” he told them, but seemed quietly confident that such a mauling was an inevitable step in his career trajectory. It’s best to be ready.

Posted by PLA          (more Pineapple posts here)

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