True Blood 207: It’s all Greek to me

Yes, Sure does keep me dry, right through the whole bacchanal

My deodorant keeps on working, right through the entire bacchanal

So Maryann’s a maenad. Course she is. Knew it all along. Um. Some kind of Greek devil handmaiden, apparently. We, and Sam, found this out from Daphne, who didn’t seem as remorseful as someone who’d tried to get their boyfriend killed ought to be. Instead of apologies, Daphne couldn’t stop banging on about her love for the god-like Maryann. This love was clearly a one-way street as Maryann gave Daphne was a brisk, ‘thank you for your service’, like Meryl in The Devil Wears Prada, then had her stabbed through the heart by a blank-eyed Eggs. Even Meryl didn’t do that. More shocking still was Daphne smiling gratefully at her through a mouthful of blood. As if there weren’t enough gore-soaked scenes with the vampires. Props! More ketchup over here, please.

You might have thought Daphne, being a shape-shifter, not to mention a waitress, might have still had her uses, but clearly Maryann was pissed off with her as the sacrificial Sam had gone walkies, just moments before he was about to be dispatched to the great dog kennel in the sky. This wasn’t Daphne’s fault so much as Andy’s, who bumbled into the orgy looking like a prawn cocktail at a bris, and broke the spell that Maryann had quivered so hard to produce. It’s a sad day when Andy’s the only one who’s noticed that something’s wrong in Bon Temps, bless his bewildered little face.

Humans, eh? So untrusting.

Talking of wrong, I was proved so about everything I’d guessed re the Sookie/Hugo infiltration of the Fellowship of the Sun. I’m never right about plots, to be honest. I’ve read hundreds of Agatha Christies and am always astonished when the murderer is revealed. So it turned out that  Eric wasn’t a great big double-crosser after all, which was a relief, because while I like Eric being bad, I don’t want him to be really bad. The turn-coat was Hugo, who foolishly imagined that a church that goes in for weapons bunkers and burning vampires at dawn would overlook his fang-banging.

Jason didn’t have a very good day. It started off well enough, in flagrante with Sarah, but she quickly revealed herself to be madder than a box of frogs, insisting they tell Steve right away as they’d taken a pledge of honesty. Yeah Sarah, but you also took a pledge of fidelity, remember, so why get hung up on the honesty one? Big scary Gabe then held a knife to Jason’s throat, making him almost admit to shagging Sarah before realising he was actually in trouble for being Sookie’s brother. They’re touchy about family connections down south. He kicked Gabe in the goolies and legged it into the woods, before being gunned down by Sarah. I’m assuming Sarah has missed or used a toy gun as there is no way Jason is leaving this series. But remember, I’m usually wrong.

Big scary Gabe didn’t have a very good day either. He tried to take it out on Sookie, but found himself hanging by the neck at the hands of young Godric. These vamps sure do age well, don’t they? Oh. Talking of which, what nonsense Lorena spouted back in 1935: ‘Men would lay down their lives for the chance of one night with me’. Don’t fancy yourself much, do ya, Lorena? Certainly Bill was willing to lay down his life for the chance not to spend one more night with her, but she grudgingly released him. Only to return seventy-odd years later, with half as much make-up, but twice as annoying.

I've waited all this time for the right girl. A pulse isn't that important.

However, Jessica and Hoyt had a lovely day. Or night, rather. I wasn’t at all surprised at the news that Hoyt was a virgin, though you could have knocked me over with a blood-red candle to find he was 28 years old. Anyway, they are the world’s sweetest couple, and I couldn’t be happier for them, even if she is dead.

So there are one or two (hundred) unanswered questions after this episode. Bearing in mind my dim, non-Hercule Poirot mind, can anyone help with the following?

  • Why did Maryann kill Daphne, other than because she isn’t much cop as a waitress? Whatever happened to re-training, eh?
  • Why hasn’t Sookie ever again demonstrated the supernatural strength she showed back in episode 1, when she laid waste to the Rattrays?
  • How come Barry picked up Sookie’s message so easily amid the noise and haste? Are they making up the telepathy rules as they go along?
  • Who’s going to tell Lafayette that his eye-liner does him no favours?
  • Why did they cast the same actress to play the chorus girl in 1935 and the flapper in 1926? And what is this thing Lorena has for bubble-permed blondes?
  • Why is Maryann so hot keen on sacrificing Sam?
  • Who would win in a straight fight between Maryann and Hoyt’s Mum?

Posted by Qwerty                 (See all True Blood posts here)


Filed under True Blood

2 responses to “True Blood 207: It’s all Greek to me

  1. inkface

    I know it’s displacement activity with all the sex, knifing, kidnapping and bollock-kicking going on, but I keep fretting about what Sookie’s going to say when she sees the state of her house. Squatters from hell or what? They’ll never get that sacrificial blood off the lawn.

    Very much looking forward to finding out more about Godric too…

    • Qwerty

      Ooh, I KNOW! (Channelling Sybil Fawlty.) And all the strawberry stains from Maryann’s fruit frenzies. Berry juice is very hard to remove.

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