Reminding us why she is the star of the show, Rachel blew the competition away with her superb rendition of Don’t Rain On My Parade. It’s good she’s resisted doing Barbra till now; this was the perfect moment for her to demonstrate how well she suits that power-house, roof-raising, put-the-show-on-right-now performance that usually only Babs can get away with. It was wonderful. I had a tear in my eye, for god’s sake! Rachel explained she could do it as a last minute thing because ‘I’ve been working on it since I was four’.
The rest of the episode couldn’t live up to this. Plenty of storylines came to an end: Finn discovered the truth about Quinn’s baby; Glee Club realised Sue had leaked their set-list; Will left Terri; and Emma didn’t marry Ken. But none of this was surprising – we’d either been told or guessed. Certainly none of it had the sheer excitement of Rachel running down the central aisle of the auditorium, belting out ‘I’m gonna live and live NOW! Get what I want, I know how!’ Might have to watch it again in a sec.
Mercedes did have one belter of a song, but it wasn’t as impressive as her colleagues implied with their awe-struck expressions. The best part was before she began, tossing over her shoulder to Cool Piano Man, ‘Do I even have to tell you what song?’ He immediately started playing the opening chords of And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going, which apparently is a standard but I’d never heard it before, and wouldn’t be sorry if I never heard it again. No-one else had much chance to shine, a shame given it was the last episode.
Even Sue seemed subdued, and too easily crushed by Principal Figgins. She had one great put-down, to Will, of course: ‘I’m reasonably confident you’re going to add revenge to the long list of things you’re no good at, right next to being married, running a glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn’t make you look like a lesbian’. Good to see her getting in one more dig about the poor man’s hair. Their chemistry is terrific; I keep hoping one of them will grab the other and deliver a great big snog, though Will saved that for Emma. His loss, I think.
It was a shock to see Sarah Newlin, upright reverend’s wife from True Blood, as one of the sectional judges. You’d think she’d have enough on her plate, what with fighting vampires and giving Jason hand jobs. Despite being in the Fellowship of the Sun, she had one of the darkest lines: ‘I don’t know how those deaf kids got in. They weren’t singing, they were like honking and everyone was crying and I was like, “Get off the stage. You’re terrible.”‘ Glee sometimes walks a fine line, but I think they just about got away with it. To be fair to Sarah, or whatever name she was masquerading under, she’s not the only one who’s super uncomfortable with the idea of a deaf choir competing in a singing contest.
It seemed rather implausible that Ken, after all the many humiliations Emma’s meted out, would fall at the final hurdle and jilt her. As he was willing to marry her in secret, and live in separate houses, I can’t understand why her having an unfulfilled crush on Will would be the final straw. Still, it did leave the door open for the kiss we’ve all been waiting for, which was ruined for me by Emma’s truly horrible crocheted hat. Had they brought me in as script-doctor (a long overdue development), I would have suggested that not only did she burn the hat, but they skipped the kiss. The show could use a little ambiguity.
I would also have taken out the ludicrous suggestion Quinn made to Puck that she was going to deal with the baby on her own. Show me another pregnant fifteen year old girl in the entire universe who rejects the handsome, concerned father because it’s the right thing to do, and I’ll show you a certifiable loony. Quinn was a total bore, a cipher, mouthing moral lessons instead of dialogue. When Rachel suggested Quinn go ahead and hit her (‘anywhere except the nose’), Quinn replied, ‘I’m not angry with you. You did what I should have done: told the truth.’ Well get me to the goddamn vomitorium, perrr-lease. No-one talks like that. Least of all teenagers who are now homeless (I presume Finn and his mom won’t be so keen to have her as a guest now they know she’s been lying).
Anyway, it’s over. The Glee Club have won sectionals, to no-one’s surprise. Here are my suggestions for what should happen next series, and yes I know it’s already been made, but as Mariah Carey says, a girl can dream.
- Kurt. In every episode, please
- ‘As Sue ‘C’s it’
- Will’s rapping (controversial, maybe, but I likes it)
- Quinn being a bitch
- Celibacy Club
- Artie singing
- Terri’s sister-in-law Kendra, plus monstrous children
- Rachel channelling Barbra. Or Bette. I’m easy either way
- Brittany, Brittany, Brittany
- Principal Figgins
- Black humour
- Rogers & Hammerstein
- Close ups of Emma’s eyes. They already dwarf everything else
- Terri. She could perhaps have a fatal accident before series two?
- Quinn being a bore
- Finn singing
- Hugs and learning
- Andrew Lloyd-Webber and any show tune written since 1980