Obviously, we’ve all missed Connie while she’s been away. But I didn’t realise how much I’d missed Connie until she was back on the screen in all her fabulousness. Quite simply, there’s no-one like Connie Beauchamp – sexy as hell, cool as iced cucumber, supremely confident, bitchy, single-minded, but with just enough of a hint of vulnerability to keep you on her side. She’s charisma in heels.
Michael Spence went to visit her at her new workplace, a hospital whose windows boast such brilliant views of London that you could shoot all the linking scenes of The Apprentice from there without ever going outside. And it has talking elevators as well! And I bet they don’t break down while nurses are in labour inside them. In fact, I’m not sure this hospital even had nurses – there weren’t all that many patients, and certainly none of the ghastly sticky stuff and vomiting onto shoes that you get on an hourly basis at Holby City.
The operating theatre involved colour-co-ordinated walls and scrubs and Vivaldi in the background (“Patient’s choice,” Connie was informed), and Connie’s office was the size of the average Tesco’s. Plus, there was some totty in the form of Irish Dr Greg, who turns out to be Connie’s latest squeeze.
So what would tempt her back to Holby? Elliott pitched up later (he’d had a bad day, bless him) and begged her to come back. He’d straighten it with Leslie Ash, he promised. Connie said she’d at least want Leslie Ash’s head on a plate, but as this didn’t seem likely she’d stay put, with the roguish Irishman and the talking elevators. But you can see her heart isn’t really in the world of private medicine and its rules and hierarchies. Connie likes her own hierarchy, which involves Connie at the top, and the rest of the world gazing adoringly up at her.
While all this was going on in London, back in the fictional city of Holby Scott James asked Beautiful Dr Penny Valentine (who was looking less beautiful this week due to stress, tiredness and fags) to move to Spain with him. Dr Oliver Valentine warned Scott that he shouldn’t destroy Penny’s career in such a cavalier fashion, so Scott pretended he’d changed his mind. Penny was having none of this and told him she’d very gladly thrown in her horrible medical career and move to Spain. But Scott said he wouldn’t let her do that, so they must part. It didn’t seem to occur to him that he could give up Spain and stay in Holby for the sake of Dr Penny’s career. The fool.
Connie’s replacement at Holby was a Mr Geddes – five feet tall (“Is he really that small or is he just far away?” Dr Oliver Valentine wanted to know) and with a habit of high-fiving his co-workers at the end of operations. This is not the kind of behaviour Joseph Byrne expects of a surgeon, and he ended up decking the aforementioned Mr Geddes. He won’t get into trouble for this, because I’m willing to bet that if Leslie Ash asks for witnesses, no-one at all will have seen anything.