I’m sure he’s a very nice, polite man in real life. But that’s not what we want, is it, ladies? No! We want him as scabrously foul-mouthed Malcolm Tucker in The Thick of It, cutting a divine swathe through crap civil servants and hapless ministers with a flash of his forked tongue. He’s scared of no-one. He’s the smartest man in the room, and he’s everywhere, all the time, all at once. His skinny form, topped by that beaky, yet oddly attractive head, materialises silently just at the moment when everyone realises they’ve made another fine mess.
‘Hell, does he know?’ they say, and turn around to find him standing heart-attack close, toying with a smile as, first quietly, then noisily, he verbally breaks every limb, then hurls their quivering form to the floor. His stream-of-consciousness insults are layered and frosted with the most impressive feats of swearing ever achieved (Guinness Book of Records confirms this). Even when he’s pleased about something, he looks like he’s going to swallow someone’s head. It’s a moot point whether he’s more terrifying if he’s for you or against you. Both are very bad.
Andrew Marr famously said that The Thick of It was like real government, only with less swearing. Listening to Malcolm paying back the compliment – ‘I’m fucking all ears. I’m fucking Andrew Marr here’ – one wonders how that’s possible.
It’s his focus, his intensity, his absolute in-the-moment commitment to the thing he’s trying to sort out that appeals. That and the swearing. Which of us has not longed to be as uncensored as Malcolm? To truly say what we think all day, every day, even when – especially when – those thoughts are violent and psychotic? Who among us does not dream of answering a colleague’s knock on the door with Malcolm’s sociable greeting, ‘Come the fuck in, or fuck the fuck off’?
Malcolm, we salute you. We love you. Yeah. Okay. We’re quite scared of you.
Posted by Qwerty