Monthly Archives: June 2009

Big Brother: Dark Angel


So the two most interesting, and rather Dickensian, characters in the house are up for eviction. I feel most sorry for Pip, AKA Halfwit. Nominated for not hating Angel, which put the nail in his coffin from influential Lisa.

Angel will be the one to go I think. Part Fagin, part Artful Dodger, she made the fatal error of falling in love with Little Miss Perfect and making public her disappointment that Noirin can and will eat cake. Clearly no-one in the house (especially ‘Angel obviously really fancies me’ Halfwit) has cottoned on to where this came from, ie Angel’s monumental crush on Noirin. Haven’t we all said the most stupid thing possible to the person we fancy? And much as I loathe our national sport of hypocritical bullying over women and weight, Angel’s misjudged comments didn’t offend me. She’s obviously got such huge issues about bodies in general including her own, it seemed more weird than offensive. And Noirin has not got a fragile ego, she admitted herself before she came in that she “gets hit on fifty times a night”. She’ll cope. But Angel won’t be allowed to get away with calling Noirin a pregnant-looking lard arse, which is a shame because I would so love to see Marcus fulfilling his promise to put his dick through the mangle if she doesn’t. Though in fairness, I like how Marcus behaved with both Halfwit and Angel after the nominations were announced. I’m beginning to wonder if Marcus might drop the unconvincing ‘cool’ act and develop into less of an arse himself. He has the makings of a better man.

The best thing was the background male hair salon activity- Charlie’s follicular transformation of Sree into a man with a ginger fox on his head. It looks like a Ken Dodd tickle stick. Charlie could not have better avenged Sree’s nasty attempt at a faux power play seduction of him a few days ago, but being Charlie, he wasn’t even aiming for that, which makes it even better.

 [posted by Inkface]

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Coronation Street: get your oily hands off me, Kevin Webster

molly-coronation-streetPoor old Molly. Not only is she married to half-mechanic-half-guinea-pig Tyrone Dobbs, she’s also now being pursued by Kevin Webster. “All I want to do is jump on your bones,” he mumbled romantically (it’s hardly “My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss,” is it?), his hands held up in front of him like he was contemplating giving her a quick grope right there and then with his latex-gloved oily hands.

Not surprisingly, she gave him a slap. But, as we see here, she’s not going to resist his greasy-palmed advances for long. It’s hard to feel sorry for Sally, who is busy encouraging her elder daughter to use any means necessary to get a foothold in the factory – and we know what kind of means Rosie has at her disposal. It’s fairly hard to feel sorry for Tyrone, who is just being mean and pathetic about Jack’s relationship with Connie.  It’s Sophie I feel sorry for. There she is, trying to be a good Christian girl, and living in an absolute swamp of immorality.


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Big Brother: Halfwit or Angel? You decide

halwit-angelI enjoyed the speed-nominating last night. It saved all that “ooh, I hate nominating, me,” business. As did the absence of Charlie.

I wonder how the absence of Charlie affected the outcome? I doubt he’d have voted for Halfwit, as he seems to quite like him. He’d probably have gone for Sree, and then we’d have had a three horse race this week (I think – need to check my figures) and, come Friday, Sree would have been back on the bus back to his “very good university,” Hatfield Poly.

As it is, we face the prospect of one of two of the most interesting characters in this year’s BB biting the dust.  I hope it isn’t Halfwit. His only crimes have been making a “mm mmm mmmm” noise when he eats and telling Dogface she can’t sing (she can’t). Whereas Angel has apparently been secretly making off with cider and hairbrushes, and, worse still, has been telling the other female housemates that they’re fat.

I wonder if she thinks that making Noirin insecure about her body will make her beg Angel for a bit of extra early morning physical jerks and perhaps the occasional nude swim in the pool? Otherwise knocking someone’s self esteem is hardly the surest route to winning their affection. Or maybe Angel is one of these people who has her finger on the destruct button of any relationship even before it’s started, just in case anyone gets too close to her.

Meanwhile, Marcus was spared being nominated this week by “king” Siavash. He’d pondered letting Halfwit off, but presumably knew that wouldn’t gain him any brownie points from the rest of the group, so he chose Marcus because he’d been the only one who’d passed his section of the Tudor task.

Re Marcus, as Halfwit would say, “it’s a funny one.” I obviously dislike him – he’s sexist, arrogant, belligerent, childish, blah blah blah. But he’s one of those people who makes me feel sad for him. He told Rodrigo that he always pushed himself to do well in everything, and hinted that he didn’t get much support in his early years. Seeing him struggling to play Greensleeves on the recorder, you could see how the risk of failure absolutely terrifies him. He looked like a kid who hasn’t properly prepared his homework being called up in front of the class. After his diary room stint in the Russian task, he couldn’t stop talking about his excellent achievement. Big and ugly though he is, there’s part of him that’s still a little boy wanting parental approval. Possibly more than anyone else in the BB house this year, Marcus has more personally invested in winning; he needs to be loved. He hasn’t a prayer, of course, but them’s the breaks when you sign up for BB.

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Big Brother: I kissed Noirin and I liked it

noirin-kelly-bb10Whatever Noirin Kelly has, if she bottled it and sold it she’d be a millionaire in double-quick time. In the Big Brother house, people are falling over themselves to fall in love with Noirin.

The latest is Angel. It apparently wasn’t shown on telly, among all the dirty dancing with Halfwit and so on, but she snogged Noirin – and she liked it. It was too soon to call it love, she confessed in the diary room (video of that here), but it was physical as well as emotional – and also, she felt, reciprocal. Whatever it is, it’s making Angel go a bit quiet. This is Angel’s usual reaction to falling in love, she admitted.

She reckons that Lisa, being a lesbian, has also spotted the chemistry between herself and the damsel from Dublin, and she’s a bit worried about Lisa’s reaction. I’m more interested in Angel’s reaction to those twin sleazebags Marcus and Sree. They think they only have each other to worry about, but they’re total lightweights compared to Angel.

Meanwhile, Halfwit is worrying that Angel fancies him, although he admitted that their kissing the other night would have gone a lot further if they hadn’t been in the BB house. Or not, since Ms McKenzie’s thoughts were apparently elsewhere.

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Big Brother: filthy and delicious


Watching Angel winding herself lasciviously around Halfwit in her creative interpretation of a ‘birthday dance’ was so profoundly filthy and delicious that it had every housemate goggled-eyed. I’m sure sex with her would be extraordinary. I’m not sure you’d survive the experience, and I can’t help but wonder if it would be worth it even so.

There is something unearthly and fragile about Angel, and I’ve come to rather adore her. She’s so much smarter and more interesting than everyone in the house, it’s as if she’s from another planet rather than continent. I fear she’ll not last long, and not just because of the hunger strike. I see beautiful madness in her, with moments of fleeting and unexpected joy that remind me of glimpsing a kingfisher, especially the graceful unabashed skinny dip. The absolute antithesis of the usual plastic tit and peroxide extension waving we’re used to by the pool. I love the way she made, for an unfeasibly long time, the really annoying mouth-comb noise my brother used to make playing war games whilst the blocked sink water slowly drained. Sree begged her to stop and she ignored him with aplomb: “I’m helping the water go down.” I loved her solo birthday party in the diary room with Russian dolls. Hearing her speak her native language was quite delicious. And when she said in the Diary Room recently that one day she “might paint the Big Brother house with my blood” you knew that housemates could wake to find exactly that.

[posted by Inkface]

(photo from Angel’s website)

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Big Brother: Charlie spreads some joy

charlie-drummond-bbI’ve changed my opinion about Charlie over the last couple of days. At first I had him down as a generic Geordie charmer, all twinkly eyes and high opinion of himself and his pulling power.

It was the sight of him in spandex leggings with earphones clamped to his head, forehead furrowed in concentration as he attempted to execute some knee bends for the Ole Bamboo task that made me look at him differently. He looked all sweet and funny. And gorgeous legs, too. We also had a glimpse of him in a little pink tutu the other night. Lovely legs, beautiful posture. Very pretty boy.

Last night he was obvously feeling in the mood for love, but unlike Marcus and Sree, he doesn’t convey this by creepily perving over people. He seems to be the rare sort of person for whom sex is a treat, fun for everyone concerned and nothing to do with hang-ups, guilt or power games. He flirted with Angel first, lying on top of her and giving her gentle little kisses on her face and hands, making her laugh (not so easy with Angel). Imagine Marcus doing the same thing – or rather, don’t. You have to have the easy charm and confidence in yourself that Charlie has to get away with that sort of behaviour, but more than that you have to be sensitive to the effect you have on other people.

Having cheered Angel up, Charlie moved on to a spot of flirting with Halfwit. Halfwit said if he was an animal he’d be a cat. Charlie stuck Halfwit’s daft furry hat on his head, and said he’d be a lion. You could see Halfwit run the possible scenarios through his mind, but while he was still pondering the thrill of being pounced on by a cuddly Geordie, Charlie retired happily to bed, his joy-spreading over for the evening.

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Robin Hood: the return of the Sheriff of Nottingham

keith-allen-richard-armitagThe final part of this series of Robin Hood is a two-parter (final part next Saturday), and it’s just as well we have a week to recover because I was a gibbering wreck by the end of this one.

Talk about developments… We had Robin, Guy and Much up to their necks in gravel in a secret tunnel under the castle.  We had Kate getting all broken-hearted because she thought Robin was in love with Isabella (as if).

Excitingly, we had the discovery that Archer is not only a good archer, he’s also a ninja. Hurrah! There just aren’t enough ninjas on telly on a Saturday night.

Even more excitingly – remember when Guy of Gisborne killed the Sheriff of Nottingham (the Keith Allen version)? And we saw the Sheriff’s hand twitch? We kind of guessed he wasn’t dead, but he’s taken a while to reappear. When he turned up last night he did it in style, with a flag-waving, horse-riding army behind him. This is truly thrilling news. With Gisborne almost on the side of the angels these days, we’ve been missing a proper dose of eye-shadow-wearing, snarling camp menace.

There was tragedy, too – Alan was killed by the Sheriff’s men, which is bound to pitch the Merry Men into a state of unmerry guilt because the reason Alan was on his own was that Isabella had tricked them into thinking he was a traitor.

So how will it all shake out? Will Gisborne continue to be a Merry Man? Will Archer throw his ninja skills in with the outlaws? Will Kate cheer up?

Tune in next week to find out.

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