Category Archives: The Apprentice
The Apprentice Series 8, Episode 1: All the twonky people, where do they all come from?
And they’re off! Setting off at a great clip for the eighth glorious season, here come the usual array of world-class twonks, trotting across the wobbly old Millennium Bridge with their serious business faces on. The women all leggy and over made-up, seriously over made-up, as if someone’s painted on them with Airfix paints while they slept; the men all thrusting bollocks and big hair and passive-aggressive sniping. Continue reading
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The Apprentice Final: A walk in the park with added hand grenades
So The Apprentice is over for another year. The “boardroom” has been dismantled and returned to its former glory as a corner of a warehouse somewhere. Office workers in the more prestigious buildings of London can work happily knowing that they won’t be buzzed by helicopters filming attractive shots of all the buildings Lord Sugar isn’t in. Continue reading
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The Apprentice 711: Columbus at the Coliseum
Watching The Apprentice makes Roman emperors of us all. We sit on our comfy thrones watching funny little people doing crazy things for our amusement. If one of them gets gored by a lion, or whatever it was that went on in the Coliseum (why should I be expected to know this when other people think Columbus was the potato guy?), we just say ‘Who’s next?’ Continue reading
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The Apprentice: Tat for tits
This episode began in Enfield, in a warehouse full of cheap plastic tat. Chandeliers, sponges, bales of towels. It was like the massed crap-heap of years of rejects from the Generation Game conveyor belt. Continue reading
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The Apprentice news: No final task this year
This year’s interview episode is also set to be the series finale, as apparently the traditional final round, where the two remaining finalists go head to head to do a spot of ninja-level events planning, has been scrapped. Continue reading
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The Apprentice: Taking the biscuit
It’s week nine for our entrepreneurial elite, and a relaxing Sunday in Apprentice Towers is disturbed by a late night knock on the door. It’s his Lordship himself. They must have edited out the swearing that this surprise visit would have generated amongst the inmates. Continue reading
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The Apprentice 708: Unchained Melody
I never feel entirely comfortable with The Apprentice until we reach this point in a series, when there are only eight contenders left and they all get a seat in the boardroom. It makes me edgy that until that point some of them have to stand. I don’t know why it makes me edgy, I’m not a psychologist or anything. Oh god so I am. Continue reading
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The Apprentice: Handbags and Lads’ Mags
Firstly, apologies for the lateness of this missive. It’s taken 2 whole days to lever my jaw back off of the floor after the sheer witlessness of this week’s antics of our favourite bunch of halfwi- I mean Business Entrepreneurs. … Continue reading
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The Apprentice: A dog’s dinner
Last night’s programme kicked off with the bleary half-awake Apprentice contestants taken to ad agency TBWA where we found Nick and Karren standing in front of a freakishly huge bristly ‘big brother’ screen face of Lord Sugar telling the teams … Continue reading
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