(Series 8, Ep. 17) By the end of the episode we’d established that three people weren’t pregnant. Emo Imogen wasn’t (can you imagine Connor’s sperm having the energy? He looks like he can barely blink without having a lie down afterwards). Jane Beale wasn’t, because Michael Byrne had “been careful” (don’t make me imagine that – I’d have to have my brain wiped), and Jade wasn’t because she’d just given birth five minutes before the episode ended.
She gave her baby to a woman who hardly ever blinked (welcome to Connor’s world), who would give her a better start in life. The alternative for the poor child was too ghastly to contemplate. It would have been grandmother-smothered by dreadful dinner lady Maggie, who was being ridiculously manipulative and emotionally blackmailing in trying to get Jade to keep the baby. And it would have had a fine succession of “aunties and uncles” of the likes of Scout, Harley and Rhiannon – who at least were more realistic than Maggie about the downsides to having a baby on the premises.
Obviously Jade went into labour at school, but as luck would have it for the five minutes while she waited for the ambulance, the school population had apparently vanished. She was left with Grantly Budgen as the only adult representative. He sent for hot water and towels (why?) but didn’t think of sending for the school nurse, who we know exists because she was used as an excuse earlier when Jade went AWOL, or for Sian Diamond or the all-purpose Tom Clarkson.
Nikki Boston had organised a presentation so the pupils of the PRU could showcase their skills and show Lorraine “Too Cockney To Function” Donnegan that her money was being well spent. It seems it certainly is. Jade expressed herself via the medium of rap just before the contractions kicked in; Connor gave a presentation on Steampunk (no idea why); and Barry Barry depicted some of the key staff members via the medium of caricature. Frankly Tom Clarkson’s face was just made to be a cartoon, those big blue eyes always trembling on the edge of tears. But it’s Ms Diamond that Barry Barry seems to have taken a shine to. He probably remembers when she was The Radiant Donna in Holby. Anyway, he seems to have become quite attached to her, in a way that threatens to turn ever so slightly Jonah Kirby/Ms Montoya on us.
And Connor and Emo Imogen are engaged. This would be heartwarming, if PLA Jr and I didn’t keep doing impressions of Connor saying “I burned Imogen!” (in a voice that conveys all the emotion of “I mislaid a sock, but I’m confident it’ll turn up”) every time his face appears on the screen. I know – we need to grow up.
Next time: It’s all about Kacey Barry’s gender identity issues. Maybe I won’t be able to be so flippant about that.
Posted by PLA (more Waterloo Road here)