Like Ronnie Branning, I, too, have a confession to make. Ronnie’s is a lot bigger, of course – since New Year’s Eve she’s been bringing up someone else’s baby and pretending it was her own. My own crime is that, despite saying I wasn’t going to watch ‘Stenders until this baby-swap nonsense was all done and dusted, I actually only managed to stop watching it for about three episodes. I missed Fatboy too much.
Anyway, back to last night’s events. It was Tanya and Greg’s wedding. Tanya is a big fan of the colour pink – even her front door is pink – so that was very much the colour palette of the wedding. The bridesmaids’ dresses weren’t too bad – it was actually quite nice to see Lauren in something floral and girly for a change – but the theme shouldn’t really have been extended to the groom and best man. The general effect was that the bridal party resembled the Von Trapp family in The Sound of Music, with entire outfits fashioned from curtains.
Tanya couldn’t possibly want to marry Greg, because he’s reasonably nice looking, kind, affable, has no hidden crack habit or other vice that we’re aware of and he’s good at DIY. He loves Tanya so much he’s prepared to wear a comedy waistcoat for his own wedding. Of course she couldn’t really love a man like that, not when there’s baldy, ginger-eyelashed, fag-puffing, daughter-in-law-shagging Max lolling around the Square. You can see Tanya’s dilemma.
Tanya’s big day ended in tragedy, though, when Max and Abi, hurtling churchwards after an emergency visit to the bridal outfit shop, ended up colliding with an articulated truck. Will they be ok? Will seeing Max up to his ginger eyelashes in bandages make Tanya realise that he is the man for her? Will Greg be dumped and have to fall back on his bromance with Ian Beale?
This would be exciting enough for a Friday night’s viewing, but we also have the prospect tonight of Ronnie finally – finally – confessing that baby James Branning is, in fact, baby Tommy Moon. The only thing I’ve quite liked about this absurd and somewhat sick storyline has been that Kat has always seemed to have a connection with the baby, as if an instinct so deep she doesn’t recognise it and dismisses as part of her grief is telling her that he belongs to her. I love Kat and Alfie, so I’m laying in industrial quantities of Kleenex for when they get their baby back.
Posted by PLA (more EastEnders here)