I have to kick off with an apology to Germany: entschuldigung, meine Damen und Herren, on behalf of the British nation and crisp eaters everywhere. You thought I was that famous ‘bilingual’ candidate, Stuart Baggs, for a minute then didn’t you? Equally fluent in bollocks and twattery. But no. I too can blether semi-literately with a bit of crap German thrown in too.
I know the twitter world was shocked when Christopher was Abgefeuert last night, but I’ve not forgiven him for the cleaning ad sexist crap, and neither was I impressed with the obnoxious and racist ‘I hate the Germans’ line last night either. It’s all very well pretending to Dara O’Briain that it was to do with football, but it wasn’t, and actually, he’s a dummkopf.
The critical point has arrived in the series when I’m almost (with some simultaneous text coaching by Qwerty) able to name most of the remaining fools, sorry, contestants, in The Apprentice. And I’m startled that the one person whose name I did remember, and not for good reasons, Stuart is still there. Mysterious, and not, we later discovered, a man who is much fun to go shopping with – in response to picking up a pair of £300 boots in the winning team’s shopping trip ’You could buy a car with that’! You could buy a brain too, Herr Baggs. The most cringey moment of the show was when we saw a shot of some pale sausage in a bowl that looked all-too-much like pickled penis and Stuart said ‘I’ve got a white sausage too’. I’m sure you have young man. Just keep it zipped up.
But back to the task. There they all were, off to Germany to sell their own spectacularly unpleasant sounding crisp flavours. Stilton, curry wurst, goulash (and hello Hungary, sorry to you too chaps for how unrepentantly thick some of my fellow countrymen and women are), they all sounded pretty grim really, but both teams did pretty well at selling deep-fried potatoes to a country as fond as our own of eating potatoes, fat and salt.
But Stella’s team won, Chris and Jamie mysteriously avoided relegation in the boardroom, and it was Christopher who went, apparently for being ‘popular’ (oh how Lord Sugar gives away too much about his own messed up psyche at these moments). This programme, remarkably, put me off eating crisps (Gillian McKeith has the opposite effect)
I’m thinking Stella or Liz to win now.
For past blogs on The Apprentice, click here
Posted by Inkface